I find it funny, not so much haha, but rather hmmm, the crazy things you will let your mind get away with. That keeping busy will help heal old wounds. That if you put all of yourself into something, time will move much to quickly to really be able to stop and think of why you needed the distraction in the first place. A year ago, I was at my lowest point. I didn't know how to face the morning, and I hated the night. I didn't know if anything would ever be okay, and while I still am unsure of how, I know that somehow, someday I will be okay. I will get over the bad and not let it hold me back anymore. That someday I will be able to look back and laugh at how stupidly dramatic I was about the things that don't matter. Molehills aren't mountains, and eventually, we all learn to be normal again. Well, we all find a new normal that works for us and we tell ourselves that we are happy again. That things aren't so bad, and that after all that has happened, we have taken the greater lesson from it all and it has made us a better person.
I also think, we put too much pressure on certain words. My personal favorites are okay and enough. Everything is always whether or not I will be okay, if life will be okay, if my friendships will be okay... what is okay? Shouldn't I want more? Okay seems like it is the bottom of the barrel of good, bordering on bad, waiting for one little thing to go wrong to throw your whole world below the yellow line where nothing will ever be ok. Worse is enough. I always want to be enough. Good enough. Funny enough. There enough. Pretty enough. Enough of a person. Enough of a friend. Yet again, shouldn't I want more?
When you hold all your emotions and feelings in the inside, life seems to be a tightrope act. A careful balance so not to tip the scale and fall. To hold everything in so tight for fear of exposure, you never really stop to see that the only one you are truly scared of is yourself, and what you might become, if you let the freak flag fly and just be you. I hope a high expectation of friends and an even higher on of myself. But, when you hold it all in, the only person to know you failed is yourself. The only one who is really disappointed is you. I guess I just need to get out there more. Put myself out there more. Be me and let the chips fall where they may. I am an amazing person. I am an amazing friend. If someone doesn't appreciate me, it really is their loss. I will be alright. I will move on. I will be okay.
Love Always, K
