Almost four years and eight months
ago I started a blog. I started it because I thought I had an interesting life.
I started it because I thought that I had something to say. The blog wasn’t
great but I was posting, and that sometimes, is the hardest part, sticking to
it once you’ve started. When my Dad died I finally got readable content to my
blog, but some couldn’t read it without crying. I apologize. Then in an attempt
to carry on and live life, I went to culinary school. School was great. It did
most of the things I wanted it to. It exposed me to new people, gave me new
friends, but most importantly, it gave me something to do. I was so busy with
classes and homework I had no time to think about anything else. There is something
to be said for turning it all off. It’s easier. It’s easier to turn it all off
and not feel.
Three years later, I graduated with
a degree in baking and pastry and the thought that the world was mine and I was
going to conquer all. Big dreams and big ideas that once I put in a real world
kitchen I soon realized wasn't my dream. Culinary school educated me in many
ways other than just baking and cooking. It filled my time with classes,
homework, projects, and new friends, but it never really filled my heart. I did
what I was told and I told myself that I liked it. I told myself that this is
what I was supposed to do and now that I was doing it, everything would fall
into place and all my dreams and wishes would come true. But that is not how it
works.
A year and eight months later I
find myself wanting nothing to do with the culinary world and actually more
lost than I have ever been. I have no idea what to do with my time, and in the
beginning it was nice. After three years of having way too much to do and never
having enough time to 100 hour work weeks, the thought of doing nothing was
amazing. I finally had time to do all the things I never had time to do. The first
few weeks were awesome. But as the weeks turned to months and is now going on
years, oh what I wouldn’t do to have a job. To have a reason to get up in the
morning. To have a reason to put on pants. To have somewhere to go and
something to do. Every day.
Slowly the interviews got fewer and
fewer. The call backs stopped happening and now I rarely even get a response.
Part of it is my fault because I have no idea what I want to do or what kind of
job I want to have. I just know I want a job. Employers don’t like that. But the
last year and a half have not been a total and complete loss. I have learned a
lot about myself and the things I can do. We no longer need to call someone to
do stuff or just go to the store and buy everything, I can do it. It is amazing
what I can do with the internet and an afternoon. So for now I am still
searching. I am still learning. I am still dreaming. I am still hoping. I am
still getting back up.
Love always, K
